By Sophie Ryan,
It is actually quite traumatizing both for the parents and the children who are about to go through the most difficult phase of their lives that is their parent’s separation or divorce. As much as it is difficult for the parents to go through this tremendous change in their lives most often parents are far more worried about their children and their health in comparison to the stress and heartbreak of their own lives. That is why, it is always said that you should keep open relationship rules always. We have often seen quite a few parents compromising their opinions and choices on account to their children’s, which is actually good for the whole family. But sometimes the situation becomes a never-ending pool of stress and hatred that leads to financial as well as emotional discomfort and for that it is always better to part ways than to burden your child even more.
Kids of different age groups react differently to how their parents are about to get separated or divorced. The infants have a low mental span to react towards such a situation, however moving towards toddlers, to middle age/teens to adults the process gets difficult as it involves the children’s opinions and emotions into the process. Since no child wants to have a separated and shared household and also it is difficult to imagine a house that is deprived at all times of either of the parent is really terrifying. For parents who have finalized their decisions to go through this heartbreaking phase, we have here for you some tips and ways to make it easier for you to deal with your children and make this phase a lot more understanding and fruitful.
1. FOCUS FIRST ON THE CHILDREN:
As much traumatizing and tiring it is for you it is equally the same for the child as well. You won’t know how the child would be feeling from the inside because just like adults many children know the art to conceal their feelings and they do so by completely shutting themselves up both physically and emotionally. We have often witnessed kids coming from broken families that are not too much into socializing because during their parent’s era of separation they have concealed so much that they find it useless to come out of it.
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No matter what the reason for your divorce or separation maybe, mind to not to bring it in front of the kids.
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It can tarnish the image of either parent in front of the children who might be looking up to them for so much more.
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Keep your conflicts, anger, frustration and opinions inside the room. Conceal them from your kids as much as possible.
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Do not play the blame game with the kids, no matter whose fault it is that you are getting separated or divorced, explain it to your kids (especially young ones till teenage) that things will never change and after a while everything will be back to normal.
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Do not discontinue everything that involves the family all of a sudden. For example; keep on having lunch dinner together, go for your child’s game together for as long as it is possible for you both.
2. PLAN OUT WAYS FOR CO-PARENTING:
We know that right now there’s a lot more that needs to be planned out between you and the lawyers and the legal work but take out time where you both are in the right state of mind and are willing to compromise yourself and emotions for the sake of the children and decide how this all is going to work for the children. This is what we call the nature of co-parenting.
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Neither the mother nor the father alone should be responsible for the caretaking of the kids and even the law doesn’t allow that.
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If you are wary of yourself that you won’t be able to cope up with all the stress then remind yourself what a tiny heart beats inside your child and is full of so many emotions and you shouldn’t have the right to break into shards.
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Manage a timetable for the day or for the days of the week depending on how you have managed to manage your children between the two households.
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Come to a compromise regarding putting aside your own anger and frustration when it comes to taking care of the children and sharing the responsibility.
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You might hate your spouse but you love your child(ren) and it is thus important for you to sit with your partner and chalk out the essentials.
3. DON’T BE ABUSIVE, EVER:
No matter how much energy it takes or how many muscles and nerves you have to move and adjust but do not, under any circumstances be abusive to each other or to your children. Parents who loose their calm and take out their frustration on their children do not have the right to have any children at all. Because you are adult, you have achieved a level in your life through education, maturity and experiences and still if you cannot manage to handle yourself than you really don’t deserve any good in your life.
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This equally goes out to both the mother and father of the family. Mothers too loose themselves in between the crisis phase and they get extremely abusive towards their children because their partner is often unavailable from the scene.
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It doesn’t matter if you got cheated or betrayed, what’s important is that your child has nothing wrong to do with it and thus he/she does not deserve to be abused physically, verbally or emotionally.
4. USE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE:
A good body and a positive aura takes away half of the problem from the troubling situation. You need to know that our constant dull face and dark eyes will get your child troubling about you and your health and all that would be going on in their mind would be looking right at the same face again when they would get back home from school.
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Being a man you shouldn’t always have a frown on your face just because things are not going the way you wanted them to be.
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Also, being a woman you shouldn’t necessarily be always in tears. Just build up some courage and face this hard time.
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Relax your shoulders and your muscles in the arms and keep a steady and straight posture that shows that nothing’s wrong and everything is still in your hands, under control.
We would always ask you to kiss and hug your child and play around with them like you always have before to make it easier both for you and for them so they know that things shall always remain the same like they were before. Build up the courage to face your children and also yourself in the mirror because in the end it is nobody’s fault.
