What not to Say to Miscarriage Survivors and Childless Friends

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Recently I was with someone who does not have children and after many years of trying for a baby, she has accepted this fact. But sadly our society never lets people be, the first question they ask married couples is when are you going to have a baby, second why don’t you have a baby. I have been through this after a miscarriage, people asking me why this happened, will I ever have a baby. Its was so frustrating, you just want to sit inside a shell.

Sadly we are brought up in a way where we cannot argue with older people, but atleast we as mommies we should be more sensitive to someone who has had a loss or who does not have children. Have you ever faced such a situation, where you just wanted to say “SHUT UP”? Do share your views.

Dont Say to People who have suffered a miscarriage:

You will always have another baby – Every pregnancy is precious and they value each baby.

I understand – No you dont, only say this if you have been through the same

Be happy it happened early - hello??

This is just a fetus not a baby – It maybe a dot or the size of a peanut for a mother its her baby as precious as your live baby

It happens for the good, Imagine complications later on

It wont happen again

Just forget about it

The time has not come

Atleast you didnt see the baby

Be happy with the baby you have

Give examples of other people who have faced the same situation.

I know now you must be wondering what should I say? Just listen. Some things you want to say might be true, but let the person realize themselves. Take them out for a movie or lunch, just lend your shoulder. If they reach out to you then you can surely help them with doctors, success stories etc.

Few things you should never tell childless Friends:

Telling them how great you life is with children.

Asking them when are they trying for a baby

Asking them whats going wrong.

Whats wrong with you?

Its getting too late.

Suggest IVFs n other stuff like you are a doctor.

Aren’t you worried about the future

Who will take care of you in your old age.

Who is going to inherit your property.

Your missing something in life.

There is definitely something wrong

Why dont you adopt

Your so lucky you dont have kids

Dont give up keep trying

You just dont need to say anything. Just let them be. People have a right to choose what they want, and there are many out there who miss having children, but just put up a big smile. You never know what they are going through ,so lets be polite.

About admin

Jaishri is an IT professional and the founder of mommyswall. She is a mom of a lovely 4 year old and lives in Bangalore. She is also a certified Yoga instructor and believes in Natural living.
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