Today I will touch a sensitive topic in this blog: “ Journey from being husband wife to parents”
This is a phase which every couple goes about but might feel shy/uncomfortable to talk about it with the fear of being judged. When I wrote on the topic how life changes after becoming a mother I knew that not only my life has changed but “our” life as a couple has changed too and it happens with every couple. Eventually whether it will be a good change or bad change depends upon how you handle this changing phase.
First few months after having a baby is not easy…there are sleepless night, endless crying of baby, understanding his needs , changes in yourself physically and emotionally. Though I really feel for a mother it’s her second birth after a baby is born…as everything changes for a woman after having a baby be it her body, her thoughts, her entire look, and also relationship with husband…. Also now you no longer remain just a couple but you are parents of a baby too which adds more depth, meaning, responsibility and love to a relationship.
I always feel I am falling even deeper in love with my husband , in the new aspect of him being the father of my child. Its natural to get irritable at times but if handled with care and lots of love things remain good and beautiful.Do remeber it has to be a two way relationship!!!
Couple time is now family time. You’re always together, but no longer alone. Things have changed, responsibility has grown but so has love too – yes with arrival of new ones responsibility has grown a lot ,every move u make has to be planned adjusting ur baby needs in it. Ex.if u use to go theatre regularly before, u might not be able to go now as ur baby might get disturbed due to loud noises and so. There are many such things u sacrifice and one day eventually u feel where’s my life??? Where have the love lost???
I would say don’t give on all the things you use to do as a couple. Make some adjustments but don’t change urself and ur partner completely..its not fair..ur baby is there to grow with you not change u….i know things cannot be exactly the way it was before but new things can be made beautiful…Me and my hubby make sure that we watch atleast one movie every week (Friday night or Saturday night) at home so that we spend time together and also don’t crib that we r missing on movies. If u have someone to take care of ur baby…..go and enjoy some time with each other without feeling guilty!!!!! Thus working on your relationship pays off in spades. Without all that energy wasted growing resentful of each other, you’ll have to spend enjoying one another. “Choose to be happy,make the effort,practise..It will become a habit.”
I know spending time with baby gives joy , gives u back lotts of love but u do need to spend time with each other too. Despite the many demands of new parenthood, it’s important to reserve a space and time where it’s just the two of us, as a couple…and u have to do it consciously….dont be like a person who is just and just focussing on baby and ignoring other relationship..do remember on making new relationship old ones do not need to be destroyed or ignored..the key here is “Keep Balance”….Obviously ur baby needs ur time more but so does othes deserve ur bit of time and u too need others time and attention in ur life to keep u going.
Spend some time with ur friends too either by meeting them or talking on phone… hve some good conversation with them which doesn’t revolve only around ur kids…talk abt things happening in world…do a bit of chitchat here and there…u will feel fresh and ur relationships will remain lively.
Spend time to do activities on ur own where its not possible for both of u to go together. “Don’t look at time away from your family as a bad thing”, Look at it as a gift to them because you’re returning refreshed and happy. For ex: earlier when I wanted to go for shopping it was always me and my hubby going together but now I prefer mainly going with my girl friends due to various reasons because I don’t hve to rush while shopping, my baby and hubby doesn’t get irritated due to long hours and they both enjoy peacefully at home without my baby schedule going for toss and lastly I get time to spend with my friends….so u know its a win win situation for all of us…..So u don’t have to give up things just modify them here and there if it makes u happy but do it. Same thing applies for ur hubby: u should also indulge/send your hubby for a movie/play/cricket whatever he wish to do….let him go and have his time and enjoy..even he needs tht space as much as u do.
Nevertheless, if you feel like you are carrying the whole load, ask for what you need instead of storming around with a grumpy face, “Take help if u wish and do not be guilty about it” (i have learnd this hard way)…I don’t need to do A-Z of my kid to prove that I am a good mother..Hire helps/take help from hubby/friends when required and offer them to ur friends later when they have kids…it will be such a relief…..take help and give it too in return.
Don’t assume all things to happen as per plan and on schedule always after baby is born and get upset if they don’t- with small babies around, its not necsaarry that everytime ur house will be clean, things will be in place, u will cook on time, laundry the lying clothes,iron them and the list goes on and on…we all know u r putting lott of effort managaing home,baby and for many its office work too…”So its completely OK if u r nt able to do some things on time…its really fine”…if ur home is messy..u can clean it later, food has not been cooked just order it or make a simple dish..but don’t be frustrated and upset always, world will not go upside down if these small things don’t happen and neither will u taking tension or getting angry will help…SO JUST CHILL and give ur baby and hubby one kissie :-)
Don’t ignore ur hubby for sake of ur child as both need ur time..assuming tht hubby will manage on his own since he is grownup wil not help..donot forget hubby is just a grownup CHILD and he needs u too…”Also do not avoid and ignore physical aspect of ur relationship!!! “
At last I will say, people become parents when they have children; they don’t become different people. All those things you love about each other — and your flaws — are still there, and now there’s a baby, too. That’s called a family. Maintaining a marriage post-baby takes a lot of time and energy, exactly what you’ve got the least of right now so its necessary for both the partners to work consciously on small and lively moments to have a happy harmonious relationship not only with each other but with yourself and baby too.